The Makings of Mr Nice Guy and How to Step Up

The Makings of Mr Nice Guy and How to Step Up

If you have, I suspect you can remember dealing with one annoying side effect in particular… Having to deal with all the women that would try and hit on him, steal him away from you, or seduce him and the lingering fear that he could cheat on you was always on the forefront of your mind. This is an especially real fear for you if you’ve been cheated on in the past. One thing you need to know is that your brain is incredibly good at finding patterns considering your experiences and what you’re concentrating on. So if a man you dated in the past started acting distant or going “off the radar” before he cheated, then your brain is going to make a connection that your worst fear is about to happen again when your new amazing boyfriend starts behaving the same way. In reality, ladies he may be tired from work, or he may be so busy just living his life that he hasn’t responded to a text message or called back in a few hours. This is absolutely okay! One perk to this is that it means the man you’re with is not going to be a clingy or needy boyfriend! In cases like these, the biggest threat to your relationship is not other women seducing your man (let’s be real – he’s capable of making decisions and saying “no”) but your lack of trust for this man. If you let it, your imagination is going to dictate your thoughts and actions, and your insecurities will shine through until it pushes him away!

Maybe some of you can relate with that painful experience. For those of you that can, you’ll notice yourself asking this question right now: “Well, how the hell do I fix it, then!?” The answer is surprisingly simple but may be difficult to practice at first – you can think of it like trying to make a habit of going to the gym when all you want to do is sit at home and be lazy (that kind of difficult!). But if you do this, I promise you it will impact your love life for the better, and it will completely cure any problems you have with jealousy! The trick is to change your focus. Allow me to explain… Have you ever had a daydream of a completely made up scenario (I don’t know, maybe you envisioned how an argument would play out in your head) and you started to feel very real emotions as you let your mind wander? Of course, you have! Because your mind can do that! And the reverse is true too! If you think about an incredible time you’re going to have tonight with your latest crush or significant other and you’ll catch yourself smiling like a crazy person and feeling butterflies just thinking about it (and the crazy part is your date hasn’t even happened yet!). My point is, if you don’t have any proof or any real reason to suspect that the man you’re with is cheating on you, then it’s more than likely that he isn’t. The absolute worst thing you can do is let your insecurity turn into distrust and manifest into a self-fulfilling prophecy where you start digging into his phone and personal life looking for “proof” of something that doesn’t exist in the first place. It creates for a toxic environment and relationship. This, ladies, is the biggest threat to your relationship—not other women… If you do suffer from the angst of jealousy, then focus on everything that suggests (and proves) that your man is loyal to you and only you. Give your brain the opportunity to start seeing the healthy patterns that do exist in your relationship and you’ll find that your level of trust increases over time.

The next thing that’s going to happen is he’ll take notice of your appreciation of him (which can be something he values deeply) and ultimately it will cause you to a happier and healthier couple! Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook21Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships Tagged in: Dating, For Women, Tips and Advice So just last week we saw the demise of yet another Hollywood couple, Brangelina. Divorce doesn’t come as much of a shock these days. It seems that in actual fact we aren’t all that interested in what went down between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. The media are far more concerned with the little subplot and particularly what ex-wife Jennifer Aniston has to say on the matter, especially since Angelina Jolie was the Other Women that broke up that marriage. Various media channels have been having lots of fun speculating about how Jennifer Aniston must be delighted right now. From the humorous headlines such as “Jennifer Aniston hospitalised after dangerously prolonged laughing fit”  and those British tabloids telling us that their ever-so-reliable sources inform them that she has said that the Brangelina split is ‘karma’ to the millions of memes circulating social media  showing us how the nice girl gets the last laugh – it seems Jenny is once again going to be forced into making an appearance in the latest episode of this saga, whether she likes it or not.

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Aside from the fact that there is no real evidence of Jennifer Aniston skipping through fields of daisies, singing happy songs or generally gloating at the downfall of Brangelina, this whole drama does make one question whether in such love triangle-ish situations we should be LOL’ing at another person’s misery? Is it really that wrong especially in cases where that person/people did us wrong? I’m a little bit torn on the issue, to be honest. On one hand, I’m sure if I ever found myself in Brangelina-esque situation, I’d probably have a secret giggle (or maybe share the laughter with a few of my closest friends). Maybe a less mature version of myself would enjoy having a public gloat with a not-so-cryptic status update on social media.

Say what you want about the silly memes on social media but I think they are simply a reflection of how people truly feel – we are all human after all. On the other hand, having been victim to this philandering jerk’s behavior in past there is no one better placed to empathize with Angelina’s suffering than the ex-wife. It’s easy for us outsiders to bombard the Other Woman with those classic ‘I told you so’ lines such as ‘If he cheated with you, he’d also cheat ON you’ but really what good does any of this do? Again, this story raises the question of why women overwhelmingly feel the need to hate on other women ( not just the home-wrecking ones) and see them as competition? The world seems to have forgotten that Angelina too has not one, but two ex-hubbies but we don’t see hilarious memes about them. Is this because there is some secret bro code which bans guys from enjoying another’s misery? To conclude, of course, we can’t tarnish the whole female species as a heartless breed of person that receives endless amounts of joy at seeing our fellow chicks fail in life. That said, let’s be honest we probably are the bitchier sex.

As for the Other Woman, there is no justifying that sort of skank behavior- whatever the excuses (they were young and naive, and the man tricked them into believing they were special – blah blah blah!) – they lack morals and decency. However, that’s not to say that they can’t learn from these experiences and change themselves. You can’t blame anyone who finds themselves in Jennifer Aniston’s position from having a good lol at the homewreckers expense. Regardless, it’s probably best to do it privately. In public (and most importantly on social media), we should maintain a mature facade and follow Jenny’s example of taking the high road and showing the world we are above this guttersnipe activity that our ex’s choose to be taking part in.   Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook1Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships, Opinion, Relationships Tagged in: Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie Split, Brangelina, Jennifer Aniston, the Other Woman You meet him by accident — in a smoke-filled bar in the middle of town that your friend dragged you to. She is a mutual friend and introduces you two somewhere at the beginning of the night, but you are too many rounds in already. Going out makes you nervous; you don’t like crowded spaces or music that reverberates your heart beat. You are perfectly complacent in the solace of your own apartment, a glass of wine in hand and your vibrator within reach. At this point, meeting someone feels like a chore—like going out—but your friend is in town and you haven’t explored this city much since moving here in February, so you will get dressed, and you go, and you laugh, and you drink and you stumble your way onto the dance floor. At twenty-six, you still haven’t managed to tame this part of you, but you are not confident enough with your dance moves so sometimes a little bit of liquid courage is needed…or necessary. In the midst of sweaty, drunk humans and flickering neon lights, you feel him dancing with you. He is cute and tall yet not the type who typically catches your attention. You know all about the brooding, artistic, Warby-Parker wearing type that is destined to make you suffer.

Sometimes when you’re out, you even search for him — the smug-faced enigma who was categorically designed to ruin your daily life as fast as he ruins your sheets. Who knows why you do it? Maybe it’s for the story. Maybe it’s because you don’t believe you deserve anything better. You can tell he has had a few drinks too, and while you catch his stare, you realize you don’t even know where your friend went. But his hands feel nice, and the loudness is fading, and you feel at ease for once while you’re out. And then you feel him lean in — and with his face softened and his hands around your waist, he kisses you, and suddenly you don’t even remember a crowd or a dance floor or the foreboding hangover you’ll surely endure tomorrow.

Ask the Urban Dater: Why Did My Ex Tell Me He Still Loves Me?

Because at that moment, you feel yourself kiss him back. The next time you see him, it’s on purpose. You meet for drinks on a Thursday in a less crowded bar. You like bars when they’re like this: silent, almost empty, charismatic to your arrival. He walks in, and you’re timid while you answer questions about yourself. It’s hard for you to be real sometimes — you have grown accustomed to masking your authenticity with alcohol or conversations that ultimately result in nothing…or to the same thing. But he is attentive and apologetic for being so forward that night, and it catches you off guard. It’s refreshing.

It’s a breath of fresh air. You begin to see him regularly, but you’re in each other’s apartments, in quiet bars, in empty diners. He gets your love for solitude, and you get his. He tells you that you’re somewhat of a gypsy, a fantasy, a dream-girl. He has never met anyone like you. He buys tickets to a concert you were planning on going to solo. It’s harder to assert yourself to the front row when you have company, but secretly you don’t care. You’re tired of doing everything alone and you don’t want to admit it. Now and then, between conversations, you start to slip back into old habits — questioning his motives, his intentions. The past has a way of creeping itself back into your memory, reminding you of every little minuscule thing that can go painstakingly wrong, so you sabotage this the only way you know how. You’re convinced it’s the only thing you’re good at in relationships. You dodge every attempt he makes when he asks you to meet up with his family. You don’t even know how to talk to your own family, let alone someone else’s. But at night you stay up and wonder what it’s like to have both a mother and a father at the dinner table together and fabricate a million different versions of love stories that end well. He is in them all.

His kind eyes flutter with admiration for all your different selves and for the first time, you are absolutely certain this is what you may have been searching for all along. You just don’t think you’re ready for it. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook3Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Relationships Tagged in: love, Relationships, Sex And Relationships   photo cred: Whether you’ve just started seeing someone or have been dating for a while, Valentine’s Day is the perfect opportunity to do something special for your significant other.  With just a bit of creativity, you can give your date a memorable Valentine’s Day without breaking the bank. Here are three budget-friendly Valentine’s Day ideas that are sure to win your date or partner’s heart. 1. Valentine’s Day Scavenger Hunt and Trivia In a Valentine’s Day scavenger hunt, you’ll have your Valentine searching for clues that lead to different treats and prizes.  a good way to start the hunt is to hide 1st clue where your date will be sure to find it, such as a medicine cabinet or taped to the fridge.

Try to think of clues that are meaningful to your relationship, leading your partner to places like where you watch your favorite TV series together or even hiding a clue where you first kissed.  Writing clue in the form of riddles can also be fun.  For example, if you watch Scandal together every Thursday night (my personal favorite), you can write something like “every Thursday evening, we watch a show about a women whose first name is Olivia and whose last name is the same as the head of the Catholic Church (Olivia Pope). With each clue, try to hide small gifts that you know your Valentine will love or that you may even use later in the night, like massage oils and chocolate body paint.  Throwing in bits of trivia throughout the hunt and offering prizes that your Valentine can win, like a back rub or massage, can help to add to the fun and romance.  Attaching pictures of the two of you to each clue can be a heartfelt way to remind your Valentine of all the many special moments you’ve shared together.   At the end of the scavenger hunt, leading your partner to your bedroom where cozy Valentine’s Day Pajama’s for the two of you are waiting (please link Valentine’s Day pajamas to can be a fun and romantic way to end the night. 2. Have Dinner in a Foreign Country or Destination… Right in Your Own kitchen With just a bit of creativity, you can travel with your Valentine to an exotic or foreign destination right in the comfort of your own kitchen.

  Plan a meal encouraged by a destination where you and your Valentine have been wanting to go for some time, or bring back fond memories with a meal encouraged by a destination the two of you have already visited.  You can mix Valentine’s Day food and drinks with your meal like chocolate and champagne to add some romantic flair.  Playing traditional love songs or music from the country of your choice can help to mentally transport you to your destination.   While creating a three-course meal inspired by different countries will certainly impress, even just purchasing some fruits at your local supermarket and creating an exotic fruit and wine basket for the two of you to share with you can be an inexpensive way to “travel” to an island paradise. 3. Theme your Valentine’s Day Activities to relate with Your Date or Partner’s Interests Adding a theme to any activity you do with your Valentine is an awesome way to show how much you adore him or her for the qualities that make them unique. To begin, pick a theme that relates to your Valentine’s interests. If you plan on beginning Valentine’s Day by going ice-skating or watching a movie, place your Valentine’s skates or tickets in a box or envelope , and wrap the box or envelope with a print-out picture of his or her favorite sports team, foreign destination, TV show or movie.  When you get home, you can continue the theme by watching a replay on YouTube or TV of your partner’s favorite team winning a championship, watching his or her favorite movie, or having dinner “in a foreign country” like you would in the idea above. At the end of the day, you can offer your Valentine a photo album half-filled with pictures of the two of you, telling him or her that they have the rest of the year to fill the other half. Make sure to take pictures throughout the day so that your Valentine can begin the album with these photos!  Offering a photo-album to your date or partner can help to make your Valentine feel adored and win over his or her heart. Valentine’s Day is the perfect time to strengthen your relationship and let your significant other know how much you appreciate him or her for being in your life.  By doing a Valentine’s Day scavenger hunt with fun trivia, travelling to an exotic destination right in your kitchen, and themeing your Valentine’s Day activities to connect with your significant other’s interests, you can make your Valentine feel loved without going over your budget. With these ideas, your Valentine might be even more certain that he or she is spending the day with the right person. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading…

Share This Article Facebook2Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Online Dating Tagged in: relationship, Tips and Advice, valentines day And Who the Heck is Gloria M? I have been widowed, divorced, conned, lied to, and cheated on.  Dating at a mature age is difficult enough, especially if you are new to it. Online dating, in particular, has its ups and downs, its own rules and lingo. Unfortunately, scammers and CONS are so prevalent in today’s society that I felt the need to write a book and start a blog to help others avoid going through the painful experiences I have had.  I will tell you about the bad guys, scammers, and con men, working hard to steal your money, the ones that make their living taking advantage of your vulnerability, by lying to you. I will tell you how I was conned out of $10,000 by a man I thought loved me. I will tell you about how I worked with the Fraud Squad to bring down one of these “Romance Scams.”  I will also tell you how to how to spot these fakes and liars. They may be guys saying they want a relationship when in fact they are just looking for a hook up. They may say they are single and available, but after dating for a period of time you can see the signs that indicate they are most likely married or in a relationship.  You could come across a profile or get a message from a guy who sounds like he is  just up your alley, only to find out he is actually younger than your kids, and tells you that he is into mature women for a real relationship – Yeah right!

How the heck do you have a “real relationship” with someone who may have nothing in common with you, has no life experiences to share?  It is very easy to say anything online and to present a false persona; people lie about everything; their age, weight, height, how much money they make, how they make a living, etc. But there are also real people, nice people, truly looking for love and some real successes around.  I will share with you some of the stories men have told me. It is not just us ladies that are lied to, scammed, and taken for a ride.  There will be people who will judge me; think me stupid, gullible or naive, shallow, and vain. There will also be people who see the real me, a woman who started insecure, just wanting to be loved, and how the journey has changed me. Finally, I will show you how I found true love, the best kind of love. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading…

Share This Article Facebook4Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Online Dating We’re not quite sure how it happened, but your kids at the Urban Dater are up for an award. Not just some random award but a Bad Ass Blog award, from the Bloggessess over at the Indie Chicks. We love them and what they do; so you can imagine just how shocked we were to get a nod.